Baghdad Bob, Now Serving Iran?
Quoting Iran’s Foreign Ministry spokesman:
"This is the CNN’s schedule. They officially trained the people to come and hack Iran’s government Web sites. This is the English text, I can give it to you. This is a cyber war. This, with, isn’t it a cyber war of the media with an independent government? They asked people to use the DOS system to hack our Web sites," Qashqavi said.
I hear what you’re saying, but honestly, if they’re trying to use the DOS system to hack your Web sites, you’re probably OK.
About 18 months ago, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, when suddenly my chair made a terrible cracking noise, dropped down an inch or two, and tilted off to one side. The end of a bolt apparently snapped off -- an important bolt. After that it was really squeaky, but the actual sitting experience wasn’t so degraded that I felt the need to get a new chair right away.
I finally did get a new chair last week. The previous one with the defective bolt was from Staples so naturally that’s where I went to get the new one.
I spent about half an hour in the store trying a few of their couple dozen chairs, and finally settled on this one:
I knew I liked it when I opened the box and found the parts packaged like this:
That’s such an obvious idea, but nothing else I’ve ever bought has used it. Normally the parts are all together on one piece of cardboard with a key that you have to match up to the instructions. This way is much better. Of course it’s randomly missing letters (as in "Part B" in the photo), but I guess you can’t have everything.
But then I actually opened the instructions and saw this:
...which obviously makes these the best instructions ever.
Bad at Math
Yesterday I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser asked how I wanted it cut. I said what I always say: cut it to a quarter-inch on the sides and back, and to three-quarters of an inch on the top.
She asked what the numbers were, meaning the randomly-assigned numbers shown on the clipper attachments which correspond to the various lengths. I said I didn’t know, but that I thought the actual lengths in inches were shown on the attachments, too.
She said yes, they were, and she had little trouble finding the quarter-inch attachment. But after some digging through the attachment bin for the three-quarters attachment, she produced one and showed it to me. It said "3/8". I said, "ah... no, it will say ’three over four’ on it."
She said, "I’m really bad at math."
I recently cleaned off my desk and came across some paperwork from our Bahamas trip from 2 years ago.
I like how snails get their own special mention.
This is from the receipt for our kayak tour, which traveled the crystal-clear water of a river that runs to the ocean, and was one of the highlights of the trip; and I just thought it looked neat when scanned:
Over the weekend we went to see Kim’s mom’s new horse. The stable has lots of horses and the horses have names like Tahiti Petey. Others, though, have names like Pete, and Pete was unfortunately given the stall right next door to Tahiti Petey. Obviously there’s no need to ask which of them gets all the chicks.
At the end of the row was a really big, all-black horse. I noticed that he was wearing these big thick plastic shoes over his hooves. I said, look, he has plastic shoes. The horse immediately did a 180 in his stall and proceeded to fart in my general direction.
How People Find Me
People come to nodivisions.com because they want answers, and they know they can find those answers here. For example, here are the search queries used by two of my satisfied visitors just today:Why is June my lucky month?
The only thing that made doing my taxes even slightly bearable was the comments from the TurboTax community that pop up on the side of each page. Here are some of my favorites:
The whole "online" concept just doesn’t work for some people.
AND MY KEYBOARD!!
I’d actually like to know the answer to this one because, frankly, I have no idea how my yax have to be paid back.
Pope Excommunicates Entire Species of Birds
Due to the large size of their flocks, the [passenger pigeons] were seen as a threat to farmers. In fact, in 1703 the Catholic bishop of Quebec actually excommunicated the entire species.
No word on what the response was from the passenger pigeon community, other than eventually going extinct.
I have this dream probably 100 times per year. Sometimes I’ll go a few weeks without it; other times I’ll have it every night for days on end.
I’m actually kind of surprised that my dreaming mind is still able to trick itself into thinking the situation is real, considering how long ago I got rid of school, and how many times I’ve had the dream and woken up from it realizing that it’s not real.
Try It, You'll Like It
We drove past this hilarious sign yesterday. You know, I think I will stop in one of these days and give them a try.
After promising to "push the reset button" on relations with Moscow, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton planned to present Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov with a light-hearted gift at their talks here Friday night [...] She handed him a palm-sized box wrapped with a bow. Lavrov opened it and pulled out the gift -- a red plastic button on a black base with a Russian word "peregruzka" printed on top.
"We worked hard to get the right Russian word. Do you think we got it?" Clinton said as reporters, allowed in to observe the first few minutes of the meeting, watched.
"You got it wrong," Lavrov said, to Clinton’s clear surprise. Instead of "reset," he said the word on the box meant "overcharge."
So far this administration has been a non-stop blunderfest. I wonder how long it’s going to take for people’s slobbering infatuation with Obama to fade, so they can start seeing him for what he really is: just a regular politician, and not even a particularly good one.
More "Stimulus" Stupidity
Just before making his stupid "website number" remark, Joe Biden said something that might be even more comical -- if it weren’t so sad and pathetic. In response to a woman who asked how the stimulus would help small businesses, Biden said this:
Quoting Joe Biden:
For example, it may very well be that she’s in a circumstance where she is not able, her customers aren’t able to get to her, there’s no transit capability, the bridge going across the creek to get to her business needs repair...
It’s hard to imagine a better way to prove that you’re out of touch with normal Americans than by honestly suggesting that you’ll help their small businesses -- which are in many ways the lifeblood of the country -- by fixing the bridge that goes over the creek on the way to the business.
Of course the truth is that there’s virtually nothing in the "stimulus" bill that will help small businesses. The truth is that I will continue to pay a ~$5000 per year penalty, primarily in the form of extra Social Security taxes, as punishment for owning a small business.
Joe Biden forgets the "website number" for... recovery.gov. And this is the guy overseeing the stimulus implementation...
The Front Fell Off
Bonus: an uploaded funny cats video.
The Rich and Famous
Being rich and famous must not be all bad. Scott Adams posted an entry called Tuesday, the entirety of which is:
No blog post today. Sick cat.
...and he still gets 20+ comments on it.
Of course based on the kinds of things he posts, this could be one of his experiments on humanity and psychology which will be explained in a later post.
In a recent TED Talk (I forget which one), the speaker told the story of 3 kids playing the 3 wise men in the nativity story. The first kid said, "I bring you a gift of gold." The second one said, "I bring you a gift of myrrh." And the third kid said "Frank sent this."
AOL Had Blogs?
Somehow I came across this page about AOL "Hometown" being shut down a couple months ago. Apparently it was a blog provider, and people are now upset that their blogs are gone.
No doubt that sucks for anyone who used the service. I feel bad for them. But... the comments on this post are pure comedy gold:
Is there not a way to obtain the blogs anymore.
So proper... reminds me of this.
FORTUNATELY I SAVED MY WEBPAGE & TRANSFERRED IT TO GEOCITIES.
Link Here: http://geocities.yahoo.com/v/gcp_choose/
Real easy to do a simple webpage. With more time I think this could be better than aol.
Better than AOL! That’ll be the day.
I honestly can’t decide whether AOL or GeoCities is worse...
WHERE IS THE HOME PAGE IT TOOK MONTHS FOR ME TO BILL. I DID NOT RECEIVE ANY NOTICE VIA THE MAIL OR E-MAIL.
PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY WEB PAGE SO I CAN COPY IT AND MOVE IT SOME WHERE ELSE.
I SUGGEST YOU PUT THE HOME PAGE BACK OR YOU WILL LOOSE A LOT OF CUSTOMERS.
I WILL SEE TO THAT.
Gotta love the threats. I’m sure they don’t want to "loose" any customers.
It like stealing our hearts and souls without our knowledge...I WANT MY WEBPAGE INFO BACK I never gave you permission to destroy it..we should all file one big lawsuit against you for this. ANY LAWYERS OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP..EMAIL US ALL
This is very frustrating and angishly wrong for AOL not to at least had the decency to emailed their hometown members of this closing of "hometown.aol.com.html" so we could have been MORE AWARE of this closing. If anyone starts a liable law suit on AOL for this outrage action, please put my name down as a victim of this hanious action
PLEASE PROVIDE ME ACCESS TO MY HOMETOWN WEB PAGE.
IF I CAN GET IT I MIGHT STAY A CUSTOMER. IF NOT ME AND MY FRIENDS ARE AS GOOD AS GONE.
Where is my homey page?
Scott Adams posted a story about a former executive at his company who believed that people are either "good bears" or "bad bears." He asks his readers whether they buy into that philosophy. The readers proceed to make comments like this:
I don’t know whether they’re good or bad but I do believe people are basically bears.
Quoting The Areas of My Expertise:
WHEN WRITING, PLEASE AVOID THESE FAILED PALINDROMES
Slow speed: deep owls
Drat That Tard
Two Owls Hoot Who Owls Hoot Too (Owt)
Desire still lisps: Arise! D.
A man, a plan, a kind of man-made river, planned.
This book is one of the funniest things I’ve ever come across. It’s especially funny if you can imagine John Hodgman actually speaking it, which I fortunately am able to do, since I know his voice well from all those Get a Mac ads and from his several appearances on TWiT, and also because Kim has the audio version of the book on her iPhone.
Someone recently landed here by searching for:
Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is "You can’t."