Things to Hate

My internet connection died today around 2pm and was out for about 6 hours.  That’s annoying and it happens fairly often (for much shorter durations), but it’s no big deal.  At that point, however, what I don’t want to see is a commercial on TV for Adelphia’s "always on, lightning fast" internet connection.  Anyway... now it’s out again.  (I’m posting this 2 hours after writing it.)  I called them and got a recording saying that I don’t need to stay on the line, because they are aware of a problem affecting service in PA, NY, VT, NH, Mass (yeah I’m not sure of the abbreviation for that one (MA?  MS?), and I can’t exactly look it up right now...), RI, CT, and Maine (MA?  ME?).  So whatever the problem is, it would appear to be formidable, having ensnared 8 states so far in its death-grip... I mean, having taken 8 states offline.

And you know, there’s something very wrong with the world when Tropicana makes a "light and healthy" version of orange juice.  Normal Tropicana orange juice contains... orange juice.  Nothing else.  Not from concentrate.  Nothing added.  You know what’s "light and healthy" about this new version?  Less sugar and carbohydrates.  Give.  Me.  A.  Break.  Maybe if you are having problems with your health/weight, you need to FREAKING EXERCISE, and maybe orange juice isn’t your biggest problem.

Moving right along, I’m sick of commercials that portray white men as imbeciles.  When was the last time you saw a commercial that made fun of a woman?  Or a black person?  Right, never, because in the make-believe world of politically correct American media, the only person whom you can make fun of without getting sued is the white man.  (Because, of course, the white man is the cause of everything bad that has ever happened in the universe, and must be in a perpetual state of apology for that, and all women are perfect, as are all people with dark skin.)  Anyway here are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.  Note that I only watch an hour of TV per weekday (The O’Reilly Factor), plus American Dreams on Sundays, and Newlyweds on Wednesdays.  So all these are from that little bit.

Mastercard commercial about gym memberships, where the guy can’t open the pickle jar, and the girlfriend does it for him, convincing the boyfriend to start going to the gym.

Progresso soup commercial where the kid(s) just moved out, the husband is about to make condensed soup, and the wife says in her best you’re-so-dumb voice, "What are you making?  Condensed soup?  The kids are gone, we’re moving on."  She then pulls out a can of Progresso soup instead.

Tampon commercial where a guy and a girl are in a small rowboat on a lake, the boat springs a leak and magically the guy doesn’t notice it.  The girl says "...the lake," the guy says, "the lake," then the girl pretends that she actually said "the leak" and points down at it.  The guy says he’ll handle it, turns around and fumbles around for something; meanwhile the girl grabs a tampon and puts it into the hole, stopping the leak.  The guy turns back around with a small plastic cup that looks like the lid to a can of spray-paint, presumably as his solution to the problem, only to find that the girl has already stopped the leak.

Lending Tree commercial where a kid gets accepted into an ivy-league college, and the dad starts selling things to raise money for it.  He comes home with some strange man who is going to be renting the kid’s bedroom while he’s away, and the wife says, "Honey, I’m getting a home equity loan to pay for college."

Earthlink commercial where the wife switched to Earthlink because she "needs answers fast" and "needs to stay on top of things around here" as her clumsy husband keeps botching various things out in the yard.

And just to be clear, I don’t mind being made fun of, not one bit.  What I mind is the whiney babies who would scream and cry if a non-white-male were to be made fun of in a commercial.