Top 10 Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You!

1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

3. He actually does have your tongue.

4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

5. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

7. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll
   downtown, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

8. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

9. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

10. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.