Quotes
Honey, there’s a time and a place to complain, and it’s not when Jack Bauer’s life is at stake.
- 24 Power Rankings
"4-year-olds have trouble pronouncing those, too."
- Konstantin trying to make me feel better about not being able to tell the difference between sheh and sheh in Russian.
I want somebody from AMD to punch somebody from Apple in the face.
- Steve, because I like the UNIX-based Mac OSX, and he likes AMD processors that burn up instantly if the cooling fan dies.
Gun control is not about guns, it's about control. A government cannot control its people unless it removes their means of defending themselves.
A person cannot say that "there is no God" unless that person has absolute knowledge of everything in the entire universe. Without such absolute knowledge, one cannot actually know that God does not exist. The best one can do is to believe that God does not exist. That is as religious a belief as any other.
"Leave the advanced tab alone - if you were advanced you'd know how to use it."
- Matt's quotes
You know it's only this bad, as long as it is this bad. You know that all things pass, you know she might come around.
- Movies with Heroes
Where do we go from here, the words are coming out all weird... where are you now, when I need you?
- Radiohead
The fanatical Muslims despise America because it's all lapdancing and gay porn; the secular Europeans despise America because it's all born-again Christians hung up on abortion; the anti-Semites despise America because it's controlled by Jews. Too Jewish, too Christian, too Godless, America is also too isolationist, except when it's too imperialist.
- Mark Steyn
What separates the American Christian from every other person on earth is that he would rather die on his feet than live on his knees.
- George Washington
The American revolution could not have happened if the government (England) had gun control laws. Without firearms, a people cannot defend their freedoms against an oppressive government. Hitler knew this; he was not stupid. He said "The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to permit the conquered Eastern peoples to have arms. History teaches that all conquerors who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by doing so."
Those who attack our coalition forces and kill innocent Iraqis are testing our will; they hope we will run. We did not charge hundreds of miles into the heart of Iraq, pay a bitter cost of casualties, defeat a ruthless dictator and liberate 25 million people only to retreat before a band of thugs and assassins... We will stay until the job is done.
- George W. Bush, Thanksgiving Day 2003 in Iraq
Back in Manhattan, LeBow is smiling. "We're over the hump," he announces in a merry tone. "The big tobacco companies can't stop us now. We've got the Amish on our side."
- Bennett LeBow, on his plan to develop nicotine-free cigarettes to help people quit smoking
My away message: exams and stuff
Mark's IM to me later in the day: and stuff eh... I see what you're up to there
Creating something in PD is very much like the genesis of a world as described in, well, the Bible's first book "Genesis". In the beginning you have nothing, just a large white area. You, the Creator, can create objects by a simple button press "Ctrl-1", which actually means "Let there be an object". And there was an object.
- a PD drum howto
I'm saying we are all angry and crazy.
- Dan
Some say we're antisocial; we say, no, we just really like each other's company more than anyone else's.
- Rachel Lucas
Are you gonna live your life wondering, standing in the back, looking around? Are you gonna waste your time thinking how you've grown up, how you've missed out?
- Jimmy Eat World
I gave you gifts, I gave you talents that you used just to gain your wealth. But you took my gifts and talents only for you just to glorify yourself. I was beaten and bruised, crushed now for your iniquity. Stripped naked, I was spit upon just for you to live eternally. Yet you blaspheme me, you make moves without asking me... then you blame me for your troubles and your calamities, are you kidding me?
- KJ52
I really do need to get out of LA and clear my head, and I always enjoy returning to the United States as often as I can.
- Bill Whittle
I personally don't keep backups. However, I'm sure at least two other me's in parallel dimensions do, so I'm probably good to go. ... Hopefully the other me's in the other dimensions aren't counting on me to keep backups. Those idiots.
- a slashdot post
You're wearing your black eye like a badge of honor, sulking in sympathy of friends who never loved you nearly half as much as me.
- Taking Back Sunday
Ben: I always like when you see a balloon floating by in the sky
Ben: like, its just nice, but also sort of sad
Me: yeah, it is
Ben: like, you know it was somebodys birthday or something
Ben: some one somewhere
Me: but it's sort of free too, like, it's not like it's stuck against the ceiling in a department store
Me: that's more sad in a way
Me: then again that's just sort of annoying
i beat the internet
the end guy is hard
- qdb
You don't give up your beliefs because of the actions of men.
- Bill O'Reilly
Steve: that's like windows+pause
Steve: no one knows about it, and it's unstoppable
Me: oh, yeah
Me: I think of it as +break, but yeah
Steve: pause, break, either way
Steve: neither one does anything
Me: but come on, break
Steve: ahaha
Steve: that is a good key
Steve: probably the best one, when you really stop and think about it
Steve: that's like having a destroy key
Me: I know, right.... when you think about "escape" that's freaking good too
Steve: man, yea it is
Steve: why didn't I ever notice this stuff
Me: yo, "end" is almost like destroy
Me: it should be "End." with a period
Steve: if it had a period it would be the best key in history
Better to see what you'll never see, than to see nothing at all.
- Ryan Tigro
If you design a foolproof system, you get a bigger fool.
- Rob Malda
There are three reasons in particular why the governments of Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran, and to a lesser extent Egypt and Jordan need the Palestinian uprising to continue to stay violent. First, they need an enemy for their people to hate. They need someone to blame. Living in a slum in Cairo? Blame the Jews. (Certainly that's better than blaming Mubarek, from Mubarek's point of view.)
- Steve Den Beste
...there's no need to adopt the pedantic humour, the obsession with pinko open source commie ideals, calling people `wrong' when you mean you disagree with them, because Richard Stallman does this enough for the whole world and more consistently too. You can't even hope to achieve his level of kookiness, so stop trying. If you write good code, you can call yourself a bloody Venusian and nobody will care because they like your code.
- mattbee
The sum of CPU power and user brain power is a constant.
- Kees J. Bot, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam (in comp.os.minix)
When I come again in peace, I will break down this tower.
- Gideon
You make me want to eat broccoli.
- Konst
TheOnion: What did your A&R work for Warner Brothers teach you?
KRS-One: The single most important lesson I learned is that black people are the cause of black people's demise. All the white executives there treated me as if they were my son and I was their father, not the other way around. But, then, when I met with my black brothers, I say to you today, very reluctantly, it was a disappointment. The attitude that I was confronted with on that level was ridiculous. They didn't want to speak to me. ... I never again will join in on the rhetoric that the white man is the reason black people can't get ahead in corporate America. That's BS now, as far as I'm concerned.
Did you have a big head when you were little? My brothers and sisters used to call me cantaloupe, and I thought it was because it sounded like my name, but then I found out it's because of my head. I said to my parents, "Mom, Dad, I want to be an astronaut," and they said, "You can't, you're almost retarded. And plus your head wouldn't fit in the helmet."
- Caleb
My cell phone has an alarm clock built into it, like most do. I frequently use it as my morning alarm, and also as an oven timer, so I don't have to sit by the oven while stuff cooks. So today I put something in the oven and set my phone for half an hour, then went to help Dmitry with his computer. Half an hour later...
My phone: beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep!
Me: I'll be back in a little while, my dinner is ready.
Dmitry: Your chicken called you??
"Your children think you should have been home more... you never get over that."
- one of the first female lawyers expressing regret over not having been around enough for her children while they were growing up (on NPR Feb 3 2003)
Me: You're having orange juice with chocolate chip cookies? Don't you want milk with them?
Konstantin: (pauses) Chocolate has milk in it.
It is remarkable how many intelligent people don't know the difference between choose and chose.
Me: ok, so in the future, if that happens, just come down here and unplug the power cord from the router (the thing with 2 antennas on it, next to my printer), and then plug it back in
Dimitry: i'll just restart the main circuit breaker
When Hillary Clinton is nominated for a Grammy for reading her book, civilization is over.
- Bill O'Reilly
We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans...
- Bill Clinton, USA Today, 1993
You think your Commodore 64 is pretty neat-o. What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?- It's All About The Pentiums
Complex information is never seen to arise from natural law, although that is the very core claim of evolution.
- source
On the side of a box of Kellogg's Corn Pops: "Corn used in this product"
Love. Hope. Revolution. Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine.
- Boy Sets Fire
"Don't you wish the crickets sang in the night all through winter?"
- Saves The Day
Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.
If you don't like the skin I wear, CUT OUT YOUR EYES
- Tantrum of the Muse
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can comprehend the statement "I don't like dancing," and those who respond to that statement with, "Oh, come on, it'll be fun, you'll like it."
Microsoft: You've got questions, we've got dancing paper clips.
"Working for Rolly is like going to a job. Working for Danny is like... going to a daycare."
- Aunt Joy, on how roofing with my uncle Dan is, well, "less rigorous" than roofing with my dad.
Yeah but see, if I got a tiger, I'd want deer for it to kill, you know?
- Mark, assessing the feasibility of owning a tiger
Our job was to select someone to speak for everybody. I just couldn't in good conscience vote for a person who doesn't believe in God... someone who honestly thinks the other 95% of us suffer from some form of mass delusion.
- from the movie Contact
Ted: Can you come to the product-launch party next week?
Dilbert: No. I'll be working day and night for five years to build the product you think you're launching.
She said "Don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are a dime a dozen, boys like you are a dime a dozen," she said.
- Taking Back Sunday
"I don't care about the company, I care about myself."
- Dmitri explaining why the Autocad license terms don't apply to him
I don't know why I like this so much. It doesn't even smell good.
- Konstantin
Dogs do not want to wear capes. Dogs are not interested in the future.
- dateline: kennel
When you think about it, a dog's teeth are like his hands.
- an Iams commercial
"If you're not in business, don't advertise."
- Kent Hovind on the way women should dress.
Don't let them scare you.
Man, I don't think I even wanna know what it feels like to be you right now.
- Nate
When you're in an argument with someone who does drugs, no matter what they say to you, all you have to say is "man, you do drugs." There's nothing they can say to you that will be worse than that.
- Mark
We can't get there from here.
- Albert Einstein
It doesn't matter what you are doing, emacs is always overkill.
- Stephen J. Carpenter
Shallow men believe in luck, believe in circumstances -- it was somebody's name, or he happened to be there at the time, or it was so then, and another day would have been otherwise. Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How's it going to end?
Engineers don't have offices with windows.
- my manager Mark
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
- Johan Wolfgang van Goethe
Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin
So, do you get an error message telling you that you should have configured the kernel to make USB core function an LKM? Of course not. This is Unix, and explanatory error messages are seen as a sign of weakness.
- the modules how-to
Never say "N factorial", simply scream "N" at the top of your lungs.
Remember when we used to fall down, laughing?
The sun is falling down again... Jesus I hope you're coming back soon.
- Mineral
I understand that you are a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown up time and you listen to me because I'm the man.
- Peter Griffin, The Family Guy
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
We fight the flesh that lives within.
And the tears we cried for the times we tried.
Deliver me by your strength.
Keep me patient in my wait.
Place in me a fear of you.
I've fallen closer Lord to you.
- TwoThirtyEight
Nate: the FCC legalized the use of the f-word on tv now
Me: wow, really?
Nate: yup.... as an adj
Me: crazyness
Nate: not as a verb
Me: ahaha
Me: it's context-dependent
Nate: yup
Nate: which.... seems silly to me...
Nate: it's the same word....
Me: so it's ok to use it as a profanity, but not as an actual word with a meaning
Nate: it's f-ing fantastic is perfectly acceptable
Me: can they say the s-word?
Nate: no way man
God sends you flowers every spring -- thank him.
The foundation of our [American] system is the primacy of the will of the voters, and the voters are not required to justify their decisions to anyone.
- Steve Den Beste
STATEMENT FROM FRENCH'S MUSTARD:
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We, at the French's Company, wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow."
Me (to Dmitri, who seems to be boiling water for pasta even though our water is turned off): is that toilet water?
Dmitri: yeah, but it's from the tank.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
- Galileo Galilei, regarding the Catholic cult's attempts to squelch his research
Anthony: I got a new cell phone, a Nextel... dude, the walkie-talkie thing is the coolest thing of all time
Nate: ya really
Nate: i need a cell phone
Anthony: I've had one for years, but I never had a Nextel until now
Anthony: it's like ten million times more fun
Nate: ya i want a Nokia
Anthony: ew, no way, everybody has them
Nate: do they
Nate: ill get a crappy one that no one has heard of before
Anthony: yes, mr lemon lime
Nate: hahaha
Nate: these colors are so gay if you know what i mean
Anthony: you mean like, they're freaking gay?
Anthony: yes, I know.
Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with. 'Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish, I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
- Brand New
We need to have people over here more often. What I mean is, girls.
- Konstantin
I'm finding out now, all the things I thought made me happy, I had all along.
- Ryan Tigro
Kevin, how do you make hamburgers? 'Cause the way I make hamburgers, it sucks.
- Konstantin
I just want to know how to run it, I don't want to know all the happy stuff about it!
- dad, frustrated by the complexity of the new power washer.
This is some happy stuff,
and y'all used to everybody going "buck buck buck" and "I'mma kill you."
Now where does this fit in, between juice and gin, or after raping women?
"It's so cool man, because they're so hardcore...
look at them, baggy jeans and stuff, so hardcore."
See, my mom was raped, and my mom was beat, and
that's the truth, so it ain't that cute
when I hear them rapping big on the radio,
how they're killing all the babies with their big 44,
"It's so fresh man, yo, they're so dope."
I might be smiling, but I'm wishing that they would choke.
- Pigeon John
CoolAndBreezy: man why did you lose 42-0.... were you on the girls' team or something
burrosycaballos: dude
burrosycaballos: let me explain something
burrosycaballos: my school
burrosycaballos: is a haven for the small kids that get beat up at other schools
He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver...
- Ecclesiastes 5
Dmitri (as we move a piece of furniture): I hope the top doesn't come off.
Me: I hope so too.
Dmitri: Let's hope together.
One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
- GNU humor
It's not fair that people are seated first-come, first-serve. It should be based on who's hungriest.
- Seinfeld
If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? If not now, when?
- Jimmy Eat World
Now, I'll write "I love you" down the same number of times that you said it to me, then I'll take the hundreds of pages and shove them down your throat, so you can use them for the next fool who comes along and thinks you're the world.
- In Pieces
So often we don't struggle to improve conditions, we struggle for the right to say "we improve conditions".
- Thursday
I don't really think being visible prevents me from doing whatever I want to do.
- Strongbad on why invisibility isn't all it's cracked up to be
Jesus reigns supreme, no matter what you've been taught.
- KJ52
It is distracting how John Paul talks to me about goats.
Again last night I had that strange dream,
where everything was exactly how it seemed...
No concerns about the world getting warmer,
people thought that they were just being rewarded,
For treating others as they'd like to be treated...
for obeying stop signs and curing diseases...
for mailing letters with the address of the sender...
Now we can swim any day in November.
- The Postal Service
I'm a structural engineer. I don't deal with anything dynamic. When things start moving, I stop working.
- Kaiser
If it's not keeping you up nights, then what's the point?
- Taking Back Sunday
When I say, "Let's keep in touch," I really mean, "I wish that you'd grow up."
Drove to penn state to party with brent and all those guys, lost karl and his friends immediately upon entering the chaos that is the pregame of a PSU football game. i saw more beautiful girls than i care to remember and wanted to kill every one of them.
- Nick
If a man means to kill you, either you persuade him that he should not, or you kill him first, or you die. Sometimes you can get him locked up, but that only postpones the problem. By the same token, if an enemy political power is engaged in war with you with the goal of your destruction, you either persuade its supporters that they should not, or you kill those supporters, or you die. The international equivalent of imprisonment (diplomatic and economic sanctions) only postpones the problem.
- Steve Den Beste
The ABS cannot overcome the laws of physics.
- my VW Golf manual
God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God?
- Thomas Jefferson, 1781
Life in a bubble can be the sweetest thing sometimes, with the world just passing by outside your window...
- The Gloria Record
How will I know limits from lies, if I never try?
It reminds me of a little friend. It's like having a little friend for a computer.
- a comment on the new iMac
I'm sippin' living water while my crew be steady fellowshippin'.
- The Cross Movement
If your loop has more than 64 million lines of code, you've got a problem.
- Roger Christman, on the more-than-adequate range of the MIPS j instruction
Nobody nowhere understands anything about me, and all my dreams, lost at sea.
- Smashing Pumpkins, "Stumbeline"
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome.
- maddox
Even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone, it's difficult to become friends after that, because you already know all the other person's tricks. It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit!" And the other goes, "So?"
- Seinfeld
Only thing this man has is a voice. He has no lyrics, whatsoever. He gets the listener really pumped and that is why people play him a lot. He is always talking about his dogs and just for a matter of conversation, his dogs look very malnourished in his videos.
- a commentary on DMX
While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named "Manual."
- Dilbert
Oh boy, more fun than string!
- my 9-year-old sister Maria, excited about the new baby
I don't want to be here at all. Why can't they just let us stay home? What is one more day of school going to do? It's just a waste of my day when I could be home sleeping now, but no, I'm in school getting yelled at for my shirt being untucked.
- Mark, frustrated about the last day of school before Easter break
There really are only two types of people in the world, those that don't do math, and those that take care of them.
vhun22: hey
me: hello
vhun22: asl
me: go away
vhun22: nah
me: fine, have it your way
me: (blocks vhun22)
We should be able to print out our mental pictures.
- Konstantin
As long as the Middle East remains a place where freedom does not flourish, it will remain a place of stagnation, resentment, and violence ready for export. And with the spread of weapons that can bring catastrophic harm to our country and to our friends, it would be reckless to accept the status quo.
- George W. Bush, November 6th 2003
brb, mother on the phone
- Nate
"Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan"
"Gandy only briefly discussed abortion during her speech, telling those in attendance that if too many conservative federal judges were appointed, their rulings would weaken laws protecting the environment, civil rights, and women's reproductive rights, particularly abortion."
- AP
I'd just like to point out that technically speaking, murder is not a "reproductive right," and this woman is a pathetic selfish liar.
I just neutered the cat. Now he's a liberal.
- on a t-shirt
You never know what you have, till you get it yanked out of your chest.
- Saves The Day
The most beautiful system of the sun, planets, and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful being.
- Isaac Newton
I think I'm thru pretending there's gonna be something to do next weekend, there's not. There never is.
- Nick
So strange that I remember you, knee deep in Nietzsche's lies...
- Thrice
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
- Albert Einstein, describing the concept of radio
No King But Jesus.
- rallying cry during the American revolution
You have heard that official position a hundred times and you will hear it hundreds more: cooperate with the criminal. Give him anything he wants. Invite him home to rape your daughter. Above all, no one should fight crime except a uniformed representative of the government. That is the liberal solution. No liberal solution ever works.
- Bob Whitaker
Steven J. Gould is no longer an evolutionist.
- Kent Hovind
Your comfort in my suffering is no longer disturbing.
- BoySetsFire
No Microsoft products were used in the creation of this website.
- cdbaby.com
I don't want to be normal like you.
- Everclear
We don't have a sound where you stick your tongue between your teeth.
- Konstantin explaining the "th" sound and why it's annoying to learn English
Not a tear for those of flesh. Not a stayed hand for a world that prostitutes itself.
- Shai Hulud
And there came a man of God, and spake unto the king of Israel, and said, Thus saith the LORD, Because the Syrians have said, The LORD is God of the hills, but he is not God of the valleys, therefore will I deliver all this great multitude into thine hand, and ye shall know that I am the LORD.
- 1 Kings 20
The other party's nomination battle is still playing out. The candidates are an interesting group with diverse opinions. They're for tax cuts and against them. They're for NAFTA and against NAFTA. They're for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act. They're in favor of liberating Iraq, and opposed to it. And that's just one senator from Massachusetts."
- President George W. Bush
Germans who wish to use firearms should join the SS or the SA -- ordinary citizens don't need guns, as their having guns doesn't serve the state.
- Heinrich Himmler
Which phrase appears the most times on your elementary school report cards?
o "Works well with others"
o "Eats too much glue"
o "Spends too much time organizing revolts"
- the OS quiz
Me: yooooooooooooooooooo
Steve: yo
Me: come on
Steve: what
Me: did you see all those Os
Steve: I did
Me: and you gave me one lousy o.
Steve: I'm all out of o's these days
Me: man.
Yesterday's recall demonstrated that the citizens are more powerful than the governments of this nation, and that in the final reckoning our government serves us, but does not rule us. It is our government; it belongs to us. We do not belong to it.
- Steve Den Beste
Pain is only a pulse, if you just stop feeling it.
- Coheed and Cambria
My parents moved 4 times when I was growing up, but I found them every time.
- Kent Hovind
My ribs have parted ways, said we're not going to protect this heart you have.
- Saves The Day
The more I study nature, the more I am amazed at the Creator.
- French scientist Louis Pasteur
A peanut is niether a pea nor a nut... oh wait, it is a nut.
- The Critic
If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
You're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi?? No way wine is better than Pepsi.
- George Castanza
This is Perl, not a police state...
- perldoc
Promise falls quiet between stillness and silence. I hear your voice say, "my child, I will pick up the pieces."
- hopesfall
The truth we've found in all we see points to design, still our chests swell. Our souls speak of something more, but we can't look beyond ourselves.
- Thrice
It's not that I don't think you can... I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.
- Seinfeld, to Kramer
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
- Matt's quotes
The "origin of life" -- which came first? "RNA requires complex biochemistry, hence proteins must have come first, but proteins cannot be improved by replicative selection like RNA, so RNA must have come first." So RNA evolved before protein, and protein evolved before RNA. It's good to see that we're one step closer to putting molecules-to-man evolution into the science fiction genre where it belongs.
- source
Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.
- Psalm 50
Nate: wow
Nate: im gonna have to talk to a few of my friends tomorrow
Nate: they are Psalmists
Nate: wait not Psalmists
Nate: they dont write Psalms
Nate: but you know what i mean
Pseudocode is code to demonstrate a concept, not designed to be run. Like certain Microsoft software.
- source
Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you. Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me: For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD: They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them. But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.
- Proverbs 1
TheOnion: Do you feel like the police are targeting rappers?
KRS-One: Certainly, just turn on the TV. I think BET and MTV are one of the main reasons why we have racial profiling in this country today... [Police officers] are human. They go home, they have to buy their son or daughter the latest rap CD, they listen to it, and they listen to rappers confessing crimes, saying how they got away with murder. ... Any responsible man or woman with a family cannot respect that, and so if you watch BET and MTV, and then you put on your uniform and go out to patrol the street, you're like, "I know what you're all about. You're really only about shooting guns, smoking blunts, and promiscuous sex." It's just hypocrisy on hip-hop's part to cry racial profiling when your race is on TV acting like fools.
The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality.
- Seinfeld, on Kramer
I guess this is what it's like to be... really down.
- Saves The Day
The record labels have launched lawsuits against every company that has a model for distributing [music and entertainment] content they can't control. That has sent a clear message to venture capitalists: Don't deploy a technology that we don't approve of, or we will sue you into the Dark Ages.
- source
Listen to the God who says "Forget what you heard -- you rep for me, I'll rep for you, and that's my Word."
- The Cross Movement
Asking what "right" the US has to attack Iraq is not a meaningful question. Wars aren't based on right and wrong, or on entitlement. Participation in wars is always, always based on rational self interest by the nations in question.
- Steve Den Beste
All right, listen to me. You pull up right where she is, right? You go get out of the car and you lock both doors. Then get out of the car, and you walk over to her, and bring her over to the car. Take out the key, put in the lock, open the door for her, and you let her get in. And you close the door for her. You walk around the back of the car, and you look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so you could get in, dump her. Just like that? Listen to me kid, if she doesn't reach over and lift up that button, so you could get in, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you've seen is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her, and you dump her fast.
- A Bronx Tale
What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
I'd rather forget the days we spent, than try to stay afloat in shallow water.
- Saves The Day
On a roadside sign at a local church: "Sign Broken. Message Inside."
---- Next Questions to see on /. ----
Where does the snow go when snow melts? ...
What is an egg really?
I'd rather be insulted by you, than someone I respect.
- Helmet
Me: So we hooked a speaker up to the PWM outputs on our 68HC12, and the only external circuitry we needed was a capacitor on one of the speaker leads!
Konstantin: A capacitor? I'd think that would mess up the frequencies, with the capacitor blocking the AC signal...
Me: No man, capacitors block DC... they pass AC.
Konstantin: No, they block the AC, remember from EE310?
Me: No... (Some quick Googling reveals that capacitors do, in fact, block DC)
Konstantin: I was talking about something else.
I don't really need to listen to 45 minutes of music that's just going, "I'm pissed because I don't know why I just am!" You know? It doesn't do much for me. I don't need to hear a grown man saying "Give me something to smash" or whatever.
- Nathan Gray of BoySetsFire, on the ridiculousness of Limp Bizkit
You know, of the million things you "had to say" you'd think "sorry" just might have found its way in there somehow, someway...
- Taking Back Sunday
Why does soup get colder than room temperature?
- Phil
How do you spell e-clock?
- someone in my cse473 class
To say that "All men are this" or "All women are that" is the height of naivete. It's preposterous to presume that one's experience with one-millionth of one percent of the earth's population is somehow representative of the whole of its inhabitants.
Me: yo, I saw the funniest thing at the shore... "Sturdy Savings Bank"
Steve: sturdy savings?
Steve: hahahahaha
Me: isn't that ridiculous??
Me: I could barely believe it
Steve: I would've opened up an account right then and there
Me: man, I should've
Steve: I bank at security, but that pales next to Sturdy.
I'm going to make myself a surprise.
- Konstantin, as he prepares to make himself an omelette
Two muffins were in an oven. One looked at the other and said "Wow, it's really hot in here!" The other screamed "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Don't we have affirmative action here at NPR? Can't I get a couple extra points just for being a brother?
- Tavis Smiley, after losing badly on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me"
iapetus: While we're on the topic of religious software wars, you might want to try Links instead of Lynx.
geschild: Thank you for the tip, but I'd rather just telnet in and parse the HTML myself, thank you.
- slashdot
If 10% is good enough for God, it ought to be good enough for the IRS.
Tetris is so unrealistic.
- Matt's quotes
That can't be the way.
- the most-often-spoken phrase by someone exploring J4 for the first time, because it seems impossible to crawl through such tiny spaces.
I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you: the Lord shall rule over you.
- Gideon
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
- Psalm 14
And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal be God, follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
- 1 Kings 18
It's not what you got that night, it's the sparkle in your eye.
- The Rockinghorse Winner
I'll take your words, as if you were talking to me. So say what I know you'll say... say it through your teeth.
- Jimmy Eat World
How can you think you matter when your URL has a tilde in it?
- Matt's quotes
I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.
-- Charles V, King of France, fourteenth century
Me: hey do you still have the very beginning of this conversation, from like 2 hours ago
Steve: no, I closed it when you left. why?
Me: because I wanted to quote that trogdar and strongbad stuff
Steve: so let's do it again
Me: hahahaha
Steve: "hey trogdar"
Steve: "hey strongbad"
Steve: "yo! I'm freaking strongbad!!"
Steve: "who cares, I'm freaking trogdar"
Steve: "yea I guess you're right"
Me: no no no, you have it all wrong
Steve: no way
Me: I said "yo!! I get to be strongbad!"
Steve: ahaha, no you didn't
Me: and I spell "yeah" correctly
Steve: and your exclamation points are reversed"
Me: no, yours clearly are
Steve: you're so narrow-minded
Me: HAHAHAHA
Me: that's the best use of narrow-minded I've ever seen in my life
It's uncertain beneath these feet, but I'm still walking.
- Plankeye
Unions are the only institution in America that can take money by force and use it in politics any way they want to.
- Bob Whitaker
Contrary to popular opinion, Unix is user friendly, it just happens to be very selective about who it makes friends with.
Vegetarian: native American word for bad hunter.
OK, the animation was cute for a while, but it now makes me want to kill!
- a guy who's angry about window animation
Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine...
- Proverbs 23
Why are you distressed, and why is your face fallen?
The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better' so I installed Linux.
Windows is now a critical infrastructure -- it should be open sourced. My reasoning is this. If Windows failed tomorrow, would it have a considerable and dramatic affect on society and its ability to operate? I believe it would.
- source
Microsoft has therefore taken the position that their code is so bad that it must be kept secret to keep people from being killed by it.
- source
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
- Konstantin
I propose to build a 20 mile by 20 mile TV set... As you know, TVs do not explode; they impload. So If the TV should be bombed, it could implode continuously for upwards of ten days... As for the speakers... the sound vibrations will heat the air touching the speakers to temperatures higher then the surface of the sun. Also, if you were to stand next to them, you'd be immediatley vaporized.
- The World's Biggest TV Set
You wanna know who I really am? Yeah, so do I... yeah so do I.
- Saves The Day
...no smart arse comments about the zip ties either thanks.... everyone knows zip ties are the best way to attach anything to anything...
- Mr. Bonk
I expected you to be cool, but you're really not.
- Kim
- 24 Power Rankings
"4-year-olds have trouble pronouncing those, too."
- Konstantin trying to make me feel better about not being able to tell the difference between sheh and sheh in Russian.
I want somebody from AMD to punch somebody from Apple in the face.
- Steve, because I like the UNIX-based Mac OSX, and he likes AMD processors that burn up instantly if the cooling fan dies.
Gun control is not about guns, it's about control. A government cannot control its people unless it removes their means of defending themselves.
A person cannot say that "there is no God" unless that person has absolute knowledge of everything in the entire universe. Without such absolute knowledge, one cannot actually know that God does not exist. The best one can do is to believe that God does not exist. That is as religious a belief as any other.
"Leave the advanced tab alone - if you were advanced you'd know how to use it."
- Matt's quotes
You know it's only this bad, as long as it is this bad. You know that all things pass, you know she might come around.
- Movies with Heroes
Where do we go from here, the words are coming out all weird... where are you now, when I need you?
- Radiohead
The fanatical Muslims despise America because it's all lapdancing and gay porn; the secular Europeans despise America because it's all born-again Christians hung up on abortion; the anti-Semites despise America because it's controlled by Jews. Too Jewish, too Christian, too Godless, America is also too isolationist, except when it's too imperialist.
- Mark Steyn
What separates the American Christian from every other person on earth is that he would rather die on his feet than live on his knees.
- George Washington
The American revolution could not have happened if the government (England) had gun control laws. Without firearms, a people cannot defend their freedoms against an oppressive government. Hitler knew this; he was not stupid. He said "The most foolish mistake we could possibly make would be to permit the conquered Eastern peoples to have arms. History teaches that all conquerors who have allowed their subject races to carry arms have prepared their own downfall by doing so."
Those who attack our coalition forces and kill innocent Iraqis are testing our will; they hope we will run. We did not charge hundreds of miles into the heart of Iraq, pay a bitter cost of casualties, defeat a ruthless dictator and liberate 25 million people only to retreat before a band of thugs and assassins... We will stay until the job is done.
- George W. Bush, Thanksgiving Day 2003 in Iraq
Back in Manhattan, LeBow is smiling. "We're over the hump," he announces in a merry tone. "The big tobacco companies can't stop us now. We've got the Amish on our side."
- Bennett LeBow, on his plan to develop nicotine-free cigarettes to help people quit smoking
My away message: exams and stuff
Mark's IM to me later in the day: and stuff eh... I see what you're up to there
Creating something in PD is very much like the genesis of a world as described in, well, the Bible's first book "Genesis". In the beginning you have nothing, just a large white area. You, the Creator, can create objects by a simple button press "Ctrl-1", which actually means "Let there be an object". And there was an object.
- a PD drum howto
I'm saying we are all angry and crazy.
- Dan
Some say we're antisocial; we say, no, we just really like each other's company more than anyone else's.
- Rachel Lucas
Are you gonna live your life wondering, standing in the back, looking around? Are you gonna waste your time thinking how you've grown up, how you've missed out?
- Jimmy Eat World
I gave you gifts, I gave you talents that you used just to gain your wealth. But you took my gifts and talents only for you just to glorify yourself. I was beaten and bruised, crushed now for your iniquity. Stripped naked, I was spit upon just for you to live eternally. Yet you blaspheme me, you make moves without asking me... then you blame me for your troubles and your calamities, are you kidding me?
- KJ52
I really do need to get out of LA and clear my head, and I always enjoy returning to the United States as often as I can.
- Bill Whittle
I personally don't keep backups. However, I'm sure at least two other me's in parallel dimensions do, so I'm probably good to go. ... Hopefully the other me's in the other dimensions aren't counting on me to keep backups. Those idiots.
- a slashdot post
You're wearing your black eye like a badge of honor, sulking in sympathy of friends who never loved you nearly half as much as me.
- Taking Back Sunday
Ben: I always like when you see a balloon floating by in the sky
Ben: like, its just nice, but also sort of sad
Me: yeah, it is
Ben: like, you know it was somebodys birthday or something
Ben: some one somewhere
Me: but it's sort of free too, like, it's not like it's stuck against the ceiling in a department store
Me: that's more sad in a way
Me: then again that's just sort of annoying
- qdb
You don't give up your beliefs because of the actions of men.
- Bill O'Reilly
Steve: that's like windows+pause
Steve: no one knows about it, and it's unstoppable
Me: oh, yeah
Me: I think of it as +break, but yeah
Steve: pause, break, either way
Steve: neither one does anything
Me: but come on, break
Steve: ahaha
Steve: that is a good key
Steve: probably the best one, when you really stop and think about it
Steve: that's like having a destroy key
Me: I know, right.... when you think about "escape" that's freaking good too
Steve: man, yea it is
Steve: why didn't I ever notice this stuff
Me: yo, "end" is almost like destroy
Me: it should be "End." with a period
Steve: if it had a period it would be the best key in history
Better to see what you'll never see, than to see nothing at all.
- Ryan Tigro
If you design a foolproof system, you get a bigger fool.
- Rob Malda
There are three reasons in particular why the governments of Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran, and to a lesser extent Egypt and Jordan need the Palestinian uprising to continue to stay violent. First, they need an enemy for their people to hate. They need someone to blame. Living in a slum in Cairo? Blame the Jews. (Certainly that's better than blaming Mubarek, from Mubarek's point of view.)
- Steve Den Beste
...there's no need to adopt the pedantic humour, the obsession with pinko open source commie ideals, calling people `wrong' when you mean you disagree with them, because Richard Stallman does this enough for the whole world and more consistently too. You can't even hope to achieve his level of kookiness, so stop trying. If you write good code, you can call yourself a bloody Venusian and nobody will care because they like your code.
- mattbee
The sum of CPU power and user brain power is a constant.
- Kees J. Bot, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam (in comp.os.minix)
When I come again in peace, I will break down this tower.
- Gideon
You make me want to eat broccoli.
- Konst
TheOnion: What did your A&R work for Warner Brothers teach you?
KRS-One: The single most important lesson I learned is that black people are the cause of black people's demise. All the white executives there treated me as if they were my son and I was their father, not the other way around. But, then, when I met with my black brothers, I say to you today, very reluctantly, it was a disappointment. The attitude that I was confronted with on that level was ridiculous. They didn't want to speak to me. ... I never again will join in on the rhetoric that the white man is the reason black people can't get ahead in corporate America. That's BS now, as far as I'm concerned.
Did you have a big head when you were little? My brothers and sisters used to call me cantaloupe, and I thought it was because it sounded like my name, but then I found out it's because of my head. I said to my parents, "Mom, Dad, I want to be an astronaut," and they said, "You can't, you're almost retarded. And plus your head wouldn't fit in the helmet."
- Caleb
My cell phone has an alarm clock built into it, like most do. I frequently use it as my morning alarm, and also as an oven timer, so I don't have to sit by the oven while stuff cooks. So today I put something in the oven and set my phone for half an hour, then went to help Dmitry with his computer. Half an hour later...
My phone: beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep!
Me: I'll be back in a little while, my dinner is ready.
Dmitry: Your chicken called you??
"Your children think you should have been home more... you never get over that."
- one of the first female lawyers expressing regret over not having been around enough for her children while they were growing up (on NPR Feb 3 2003)
Me: You're having orange juice with chocolate chip cookies? Don't you want milk with them?
Konstantin: (pauses) Chocolate has milk in it.
It is remarkable how many intelligent people don't know the difference between choose and chose.
Me: ok, so in the future, if that happens, just come down here and unplug the power cord from the router (the thing with 2 antennas on it, next to my printer), and then plug it back in
Dimitry: i'll just restart the main circuit breaker
When Hillary Clinton is nominated for a Grammy for reading her book, civilization is over.
- Bill O'Reilly
We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans...
- Bill Clinton, USA Today, 1993
You think your Commodore 64 is pretty neat-o. What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?- It's All About The Pentiums
Complex information is never seen to arise from natural law, although that is the very core claim of evolution.
- source
On the side of a box of Kellogg's Corn Pops: "Corn used in this product"
Love. Hope. Revolution. Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine.
- Boy Sets Fire
"Don't you wish the crickets sang in the night all through winter?"
- Saves The Day
Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.
If you don't like the skin I wear, CUT OUT YOUR EYES
- Tantrum of the Muse
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can comprehend the statement "I don't like dancing," and those who respond to that statement with, "Oh, come on, it'll be fun, you'll like it."
Microsoft: You've got questions, we've got dancing paper clips.
"Working for Rolly is like going to a job. Working for Danny is like... going to a daycare."
- Aunt Joy, on how roofing with my uncle Dan is, well, "less rigorous" than roofing with my dad.
Yeah but see, if I got a tiger, I'd want deer for it to kill, you know?
- Mark, assessing the feasibility of owning a tiger
Our job was to select someone to speak for everybody. I just couldn't in good conscience vote for a person who doesn't believe in God... someone who honestly thinks the other 95% of us suffer from some form of mass delusion.
- from the movie Contact
Ted: Can you come to the product-launch party next week?
Dilbert: No. I'll be working day and night for five years to build the product you think you're launching.
She said "Don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are a dime a dozen, boys like you are a dime a dozen," she said.
- Taking Back Sunday
"I don't care about the company, I care about myself."
- Dmitri explaining why the Autocad license terms don't apply to him
I don't know why I like this so much. It doesn't even smell good.
- Konstantin
Dogs do not want to wear capes. Dogs are not interested in the future.
- dateline: kennel
When you think about it, a dog's teeth are like his hands.
- an Iams commercial
"If you're not in business, don't advertise."
- Kent Hovind on the way women should dress.
Don't let them scare you.
Man, I don't think I even wanna know what it feels like to be you right now.
- Nate
When you're in an argument with someone who does drugs, no matter what they say to you, all you have to say is "man, you do drugs." There's nothing they can say to you that will be worse than that.
- Mark
We can't get there from here.
- Albert Einstein
It doesn't matter what you are doing, emacs is always overkill.
- Stephen J. Carpenter
Shallow men believe in luck, believe in circumstances -- it was somebody's name, or he happened to be there at the time, or it was so then, and another day would have been otherwise. Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How's it going to end?
Engineers don't have offices with windows.
- my manager Mark
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
- Johan Wolfgang van Goethe
Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin
So, do you get an error message telling you that you should have configured the kernel to make USB core function an LKM? Of course not. This is Unix, and explanatory error messages are seen as a sign of weakness.
- the modules how-to
Never say "N factorial", simply scream "N" at the top of your lungs.
Remember when we used to fall down, laughing?
The sun is falling down again... Jesus I hope you're coming back soon.
- Mineral
I understand that you are a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown up time and you listen to me because I'm the man.
- Peter Griffin, The Family Guy
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
We fight the flesh that lives within.
And the tears we cried for the times we tried.
Deliver me by your strength.
Keep me patient in my wait.
Place in me a fear of you.
I've fallen closer Lord to you.
- TwoThirtyEight
Nate: the FCC legalized the use of the f-word on tv now
Me: wow, really?
Nate: yup.... as an adj
Me: crazyness
Nate: not as a verb
Me: ahaha
Me: it's context-dependent
Nate: yup
Nate: which.... seems silly to me...
Nate: it's the same word....
Me: so it's ok to use it as a profanity, but not as an actual word with a meaning
Nate: it's f-ing fantastic is perfectly acceptable
Me: can they say the s-word?
Nate: no way man
God sends you flowers every spring -- thank him.
The foundation of our [American] system is the primacy of the will of the voters, and the voters are not required to justify their decisions to anyone.
- Steve Den Beste
STATEMENT FROM FRENCH'S MUSTARD:
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We, at the French's Company, wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow."
Me (to Dmitri, who seems to be boiling water for pasta even though our water is turned off): is that toilet water?
Dmitri: yeah, but it's from the tank.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
- Galileo Galilei, regarding the Catholic cult's attempts to squelch his research
Anthony: I got a new cell phone, a Nextel... dude, the walkie-talkie thing is the coolest thing of all time
Nate: ya really
Nate: i need a cell phone
Anthony: I've had one for years, but I never had a Nextel until now
Anthony: it's like ten million times more fun
Nate: ya i want a Nokia
Anthony: ew, no way, everybody has them
Nate: do they
Nate: ill get a crappy one that no one has heard of before
Anthony: yes, mr lemon lime
Nate: hahaha
Nate: these colors are so gay if you know what i mean
Anthony: you mean like, they're freaking gay?
Anthony: yes, I know.
Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with. 'Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish, I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
- Brand New
We need to have people over here more often. What I mean is, girls.
- Konstantin
I'm finding out now, all the things I thought made me happy, I had all along.
- Ryan Tigro
Kevin, how do you make hamburgers? 'Cause the way I make hamburgers, it sucks.
- Konstantin
I just want to know how to run it, I don't want to know all the happy stuff about it!
- dad, frustrated by the complexity of the new power washer.
This is some happy stuff,
and y'all used to everybody going "buck buck buck" and "I'mma kill you."
Now where does this fit in, between juice and gin, or after raping women?
"It's so cool man, because they're so hardcore...
look at them, baggy jeans and stuff, so hardcore."
See, my mom was raped, and my mom was beat, and
that's the truth, so it ain't that cute
when I hear them rapping big on the radio,
how they're killing all the babies with their big 44,
"It's so fresh man, yo, they're so dope."
I might be smiling, but I'm wishing that they would choke.
- Pigeon John
CoolAndBreezy: man why did you lose 42-0.... were you on the girls' team or something
burrosycaballos: dude
burrosycaballos: let me explain something
burrosycaballos: my school
burrosycaballos: is a haven for the small kids that get beat up at other schools
He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver...
- Ecclesiastes 5
Dmitri (as we move a piece of furniture): I hope the top doesn't come off.
Me: I hope so too.
Dmitri: Let's hope together.
One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
- GNU humor
It's not fair that people are seated first-come, first-serve. It should be based on who's hungriest.
- Seinfeld
If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? If not now, when?
- Jimmy Eat World
Now, I'll write "I love you" down the same number of times that you said it to me, then I'll take the hundreds of pages and shove them down your throat, so you can use them for the next fool who comes along and thinks you're the world.
- In Pieces
So often we don't struggle to improve conditions, we struggle for the right to say "we improve conditions".
- Thursday
I don't really think being visible prevents me from doing whatever I want to do.
- Strongbad on why invisibility isn't all it's cracked up to be
Jesus reigns supreme, no matter what you've been taught.
- KJ52
It is distracting how John Paul talks to me about goats.
Again last night I had that strange dream,
where everything was exactly how it seemed...
No concerns about the world getting warmer,
people thought that they were just being rewarded,
For treating others as they'd like to be treated...
for obeying stop signs and curing diseases...
for mailing letters with the address of the sender...
Now we can swim any day in November.
- The Postal Service
I'm a structural engineer. I don't deal with anything dynamic. When things start moving, I stop working.
- Kaiser
If it's not keeping you up nights, then what's the point?
- Taking Back Sunday
When I say, "Let's keep in touch," I really mean, "I wish that you'd grow up."
Drove to penn state to party with brent and all those guys, lost karl and his friends immediately upon entering the chaos that is the pregame of a PSU football game. i saw more beautiful girls than i care to remember and wanted to kill every one of them.
- Nick
If a man means to kill you, either you persuade him that he should not, or you kill him first, or you die. Sometimes you can get him locked up, but that only postpones the problem. By the same token, if an enemy political power is engaged in war with you with the goal of your destruction, you either persuade its supporters that they should not, or you kill those supporters, or you die. The international equivalent of imprisonment (diplomatic and economic sanctions) only postpones the problem.
- Steve Den Beste
The ABS cannot overcome the laws of physics.
- my VW Golf manual
God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God?
- Thomas Jefferson, 1781
Life in a bubble can be the sweetest thing sometimes, with the world just passing by outside your window...
- The Gloria Record
How will I know limits from lies, if I never try?
It reminds me of a little friend. It's like having a little friend for a computer.
- a comment on the new iMac
I'm sippin' living water while my crew be steady fellowshippin'.
- The Cross Movement
If your loop has more than 64 million lines of code, you've got a problem.
- Roger Christman, on the more-than-adequate range of the MIPS j instruction
Nobody nowhere understands anything about me, and all my dreams, lost at sea.
- Smashing Pumpkins, "Stumbeline"
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome.
- maddox
Even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone, it's difficult to become friends after that, because you already know all the other person's tricks. It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit!" And the other goes, "So?"
- Seinfeld
Only thing this man has is a voice. He has no lyrics, whatsoever. He gets the listener really pumped and that is why people play him a lot. He is always talking about his dogs and just for a matter of conversation, his dogs look very malnourished in his videos.
- a commentary on DMX
While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named "Manual."
- Dilbert
Oh boy, more fun than string!
- my 9-year-old sister Maria, excited about the new baby
I don't want to be here at all. Why can't they just let us stay home? What is one more day of school going to do? It's just a waste of my day when I could be home sleeping now, but no, I'm in school getting yelled at for my shirt being untucked.
- Mark, frustrated about the last day of school before Easter break
There really are only two types of people in the world, those that don't do math, and those that take care of them.
vhun22: hey
me: hello
vhun22: asl
me: go away
vhun22: nah
me: fine, have it your way
me: (blocks vhun22)
We should be able to print out our mental pictures.
- Konstantin
As long as the Middle East remains a place where freedom does not flourish, it will remain a place of stagnation, resentment, and violence ready for export. And with the spread of weapons that can bring catastrophic harm to our country and to our friends, it would be reckless to accept the status quo.
- George W. Bush, November 6th 2003
brb, mother on the phone
- Nate
"Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan"
"Gandy only briefly discussed abortion during her speech, telling those in attendance that if too many conservative federal judges were appointed, their rulings would weaken laws protecting the environment, civil rights, and women's reproductive rights, particularly abortion."
- AP
I'd just like to point out that technically speaking, murder is not a "reproductive right," and this woman is a pathetic selfish liar.
I just neutered the cat. Now he's a liberal.
- on a t-shirt
You never know what you have, till you get it yanked out of your chest.
- Saves The Day
The most beautiful system of the sun, planets, and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful being.
- Isaac Newton
I think I'm thru pretending there's gonna be something to do next weekend, there's not. There never is.
- Nick
So strange that I remember you, knee deep in Nietzsche's lies...
- Thrice
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
- Albert Einstein, describing the concept of radio
No King But Jesus.
- rallying cry during the American revolution
You have heard that official position a hundred times and you will hear it hundreds more: cooperate with the criminal. Give him anything he wants. Invite him home to rape your daughter. Above all, no one should fight crime except a uniformed representative of the government. That is the liberal solution. No liberal solution ever works.
- Bob Whitaker
Steven J. Gould is no longer an evolutionist.
- Kent Hovind
Your comfort in my suffering is no longer disturbing.
- BoySetsFire
No Microsoft products were used in the creation of this website.
- cdbaby.com
I don't want to be normal like you.
- Everclear
We don't have a sound where you stick your tongue between your teeth.
- Konstantin explaining the "th" sound and why it's annoying to learn English
Not a tear for those of flesh. Not a stayed hand for a world that prostitutes itself.
- Shai Hulud
And there came a man of God, and spake unto the king of Israel, and said, Thus saith the LORD, Because the Syrians have said, The LORD is God of the hills, but he is not God of the valleys, therefore will I deliver all this great multitude into thine hand, and ye shall know that I am the LORD.
- 1 Kings 20
The other party's nomination battle is still playing out. The candidates are an interesting group with diverse opinions. They're for tax cuts and against them. They're for NAFTA and against NAFTA. They're for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act. They're in favor of liberating Iraq, and opposed to it. And that's just one senator from Massachusetts."
- President George W. Bush
Germans who wish to use firearms should join the SS or the SA -- ordinary citizens don't need guns, as their having guns doesn't serve the state.
- Heinrich Himmler
Which phrase appears the most times on your elementary school report cards?
o "Works well with others"
o "Eats too much glue"
o "Spends too much time organizing revolts"
- the OS quiz
Me: yooooooooooooooooooo
Steve: yo
Me: come on
Steve: what
Me: did you see all those Os
Steve: I did
Me: and you gave me one lousy o.
Steve: I'm all out of o's these days
Me: man.
Yesterday's recall demonstrated that the citizens are more powerful than the governments of this nation, and that in the final reckoning our government serves us, but does not rule us. It is our government; it belongs to us. We do not belong to it.
- Steve Den Beste
Pain is only a pulse, if you just stop feeling it.
- Coheed and Cambria
My parents moved 4 times when I was growing up, but I found them every time.
- Kent Hovind
My ribs have parted ways, said we're not going to protect this heart you have.
- Saves The Day
The more I study nature, the more I am amazed at the Creator.
- French scientist Louis Pasteur
A peanut is niether a pea nor a nut... oh wait, it is a nut.
- The Critic
If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
You're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi?? No way wine is better than Pepsi.
- George Castanza
This is Perl, not a police state...
- perldoc
Promise falls quiet between stillness and silence. I hear your voice say, "my child, I will pick up the pieces."
- hopesfall
The truth we've found in all we see points to design, still our chests swell. Our souls speak of something more, but we can't look beyond ourselves.
- Thrice
It's not that I don't think you can... I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.
- Seinfeld, to Kramer
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
- Matt's quotes
The "origin of life" -- which came first? "RNA requires complex biochemistry, hence proteins must have come first, but proteins cannot be improved by replicative selection like RNA, so RNA must have come first." So RNA evolved before protein, and protein evolved before RNA. It's good to see that we're one step closer to putting molecules-to-man evolution into the science fiction genre where it belongs.
- source
Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.
- Psalm 50
Nate: wow
Nate: im gonna have to talk to a few of my friends tomorrow
Nate: they are Psalmists
Nate: wait not Psalmists
Nate: they dont write Psalms
Nate: but you know what i mean
Pseudocode is code to demonstrate a concept, not designed to be run. Like certain Microsoft software.
- source
Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you. Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me: For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD: They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them. But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.
- Proverbs 1
TheOnion: Do you feel like the police are targeting rappers?
KRS-One: Certainly, just turn on the TV. I think BET and MTV are one of the main reasons why we have racial profiling in this country today... [Police officers] are human. They go home, they have to buy their son or daughter the latest rap CD, they listen to it, and they listen to rappers confessing crimes, saying how they got away with murder. ... Any responsible man or woman with a family cannot respect that, and so if you watch BET and MTV, and then you put on your uniform and go out to patrol the street, you're like, "I know what you're all about. You're really only about shooting guns, smoking blunts, and promiscuous sex." It's just hypocrisy on hip-hop's part to cry racial profiling when your race is on TV acting like fools.
The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality.
- Seinfeld, on Kramer
I guess this is what it's like to be... really down.
- Saves The Day
The record labels have launched lawsuits against every company that has a model for distributing [music and entertainment] content they can't control. That has sent a clear message to venture capitalists: Don't deploy a technology that we don't approve of, or we will sue you into the Dark Ages.
- source
Listen to the God who says "Forget what you heard -- you rep for me, I'll rep for you, and that's my Word."
- The Cross Movement
Asking what "right" the US has to attack Iraq is not a meaningful question. Wars aren't based on right and wrong, or on entitlement. Participation in wars is always, always based on rational self interest by the nations in question.
- Steve Den Beste
All right, listen to me. You pull up right where she is, right? You go get out of the car and you lock both doors. Then get out of the car, and you walk over to her, and bring her over to the car. Take out the key, put in the lock, open the door for her, and you let her get in. And you close the door for her. You walk around the back of the car, and you look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so you could get in, dump her. Just like that? Listen to me kid, if she doesn't reach over and lift up that button, so you could get in, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you've seen is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her, and you dump her fast.
- A Bronx Tale
What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
I'd rather forget the days we spent, than try to stay afloat in shallow water.
- Saves The Day
On a roadside sign at a local church: "Sign Broken. Message Inside."
---- Next Questions to see on /. ----
Where does the snow go when snow melts? ...
What is an egg really?
I'd rather be insulted by you, than someone I respect.
- Helmet
Me: So we hooked a speaker up to the PWM outputs on our 68HC12, and the only external circuitry we needed was a capacitor on one of the speaker leads!
Konstantin: A capacitor? I'd think that would mess up the frequencies, with the capacitor blocking the AC signal...
Me: No man, capacitors block DC... they pass AC.
Konstantin: No, they block the AC, remember from EE310?
Me: No... (Some quick Googling reveals that capacitors do, in fact, block DC)
Konstantin: I was talking about something else.
I don't really need to listen to 45 minutes of music that's just going, "I'm pissed because I don't know why I just am!" You know? It doesn't do much for me. I don't need to hear a grown man saying "Give me something to smash" or whatever.
- Nathan Gray of BoySetsFire, on the ridiculousness of Limp Bizkit
You know, of the million things you "had to say" you'd think "sorry" just might have found its way in there somehow, someway...
- Taking Back Sunday
Why does soup get colder than room temperature?
- Phil
How do you spell e-clock?
- someone in my cse473 class
To say that "All men are this" or "All women are that" is the height of naivete. It's preposterous to presume that one's experience with one-millionth of one percent of the earth's population is somehow representative of the whole of its inhabitants.
Me: yo, I saw the funniest thing at the shore... "Sturdy Savings Bank"
Steve: sturdy savings?
Steve: hahahahaha
Me: isn't that ridiculous??
Me: I could barely believe it
Steve: I would've opened up an account right then and there
Me: man, I should've
Steve: I bank at security, but that pales next to Sturdy.
I'm going to make myself a surprise.
- Konstantin, as he prepares to make himself an omelette
Two muffins were in an oven. One looked at the other and said "Wow, it's really hot in here!" The other screamed "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Don't we have affirmative action here at NPR? Can't I get a couple extra points just for being a brother?
- Tavis Smiley, after losing badly on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me"
iapetus: While we're on the topic of religious software wars, you might want to try Links instead of Lynx.
geschild: Thank you for the tip, but I'd rather just telnet in and parse the HTML myself, thank you.
- slashdot
If 10% is good enough for God, it ought to be good enough for the IRS.
Tetris is so unrealistic.
- Matt's quotes
That can't be the way.
- the most-often-spoken phrase by someone exploring J4 for the first time, because it seems impossible to crawl through such tiny spaces.
I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you: the Lord shall rule over you.
- Gideon
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
- Psalm 14
And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal be God, follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
- 1 Kings 18
It's not what you got that night, it's the sparkle in your eye.
- The Rockinghorse Winner
I'll take your words, as if you were talking to me. So say what I know you'll say... say it through your teeth.
- Jimmy Eat World
How can you think you matter when your URL has a tilde in it?
- Matt's quotes
I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.
-- Charles V, King of France, fourteenth century
Me: hey do you still have the very beginning of this conversation, from like 2 hours ago
Steve: no, I closed it when you left. why?
Me: because I wanted to quote that trogdar and strongbad stuff
Steve: so let's do it again
Me: hahahaha
Steve: "hey trogdar"
Steve: "hey strongbad"
Steve: "yo! I'm freaking strongbad!!"
Steve: "who cares, I'm freaking trogdar"
Steve: "yea I guess you're right"
Me: no no no, you have it all wrong
Steve: no way
Me: I said "yo!! I get to be strongbad!"
Steve: ahaha, no you didn't
Me: and I spell "yeah" correctly
Steve: and your exclamation points are reversed"
Me: no, yours clearly are
Steve: you're so narrow-minded
Me: HAHAHAHA
Me: that's the best use of narrow-minded I've ever seen in my life
It's uncertain beneath these feet, but I'm still walking.
- Plankeye
Unions are the only institution in America that can take money by force and use it in politics any way they want to.
- Bob Whitaker
Contrary to popular opinion, Unix is user friendly, it just happens to be very selective about who it makes friends with.
Vegetarian: native American word for bad hunter.
OK, the animation was cute for a while, but it now makes me want to kill!
- a guy who's angry about window animation
Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine...
- Proverbs 23
Why are you distressed, and why is your face fallen?
The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better' so I installed Linux.
Windows is now a critical infrastructure -- it should be open sourced. My reasoning is this. If Windows failed tomorrow, would it have a considerable and dramatic affect on society and its ability to operate? I believe it would.
- source
Microsoft has therefore taken the position that their code is so bad that it must be kept secret to keep people from being killed by it.
- source
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
- Konstantin
I propose to build a 20 mile by 20 mile TV set... As you know, TVs do not explode; they impload. So If the TV should be bombed, it could implode continuously for upwards of ten days... As for the speakers... the sound vibrations will heat the air touching the speakers to temperatures higher then the surface of the sun. Also, if you were to stand next to them, you'd be immediatley vaporized.
- The World's Biggest TV Set
You wanna know who I really am? Yeah, so do I... yeah so do I.
- Saves The Day
...no smart arse comments about the zip ties either thanks.... everyone knows zip ties are the best way to attach anything to anything...
- Mr. Bonk
I expected you to be cool, but you're really not.
- Kim