Nice Guys Finish Last

This has been floating around the net for at least a couple years now.  I came across it again the other day while blog-hopping and decided to post it ’cause it’s just so funny (and sad).  I sanitized it slightly and fixed the myriad grammatical errors and whatnot.

It’s amazing that jerks can get girls.

Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing.  They are jerks at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love.  IT’S A CHARADE.  They act nice, friendly, and they listen... until they get into what they’re after.  Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what jerks their predators really are, they pretend like the jerk is really nice inside.  The girl tries to change the jerk into a nice guy, but jerks will always be jerks.

She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the jerk.  But she claims to love the jerk... now this is where the theory begins.  She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she won’t dump the jerk right away, instead she will stay with the jerk.  They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along.  He never had to PRETEND to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that.

However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another.  They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story about their jerk boyfriend.  But the nice guy isn’t THAT na´ve.  He was trying to get the girl all along.  The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening.  Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend.  A FRIEND.  They don’t say, "Oh he’s hot" or "I want to have his children" about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support.  When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the jerk.  The nice guy gets the short end of the stick while the jerk gets all the action.

I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get the girl.  I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE... at least not in the women department.  Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the jerk is because jerks ignore the girl they are with.  The women wonder, "Why isn’t he paying attention to me?" so they explore why.  They poke and prod and get closer to the jerk.  The jerk finally says, "I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass."  It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him... even thought all she has won is a jerk.

Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a "listener" you can’t turn back.  The girl will always go after the jerks because there are always nice guys there to listen.  Once you realize that you are a "listener" you can’t do anything about it... just pack up and close shop.  There is no way you will get the girl... ever.  There never is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on.  It just doesn’t work like that.  The girl won’t "come to her senses" and realize what a jerk her boyfriend is like in the movies... instead she will just go after another jerk, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you.

Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world.  Right.  They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!  Girls aren’t looking for nice guys... they say they are but they’re not.  They are looking for the perfect jerk, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect jerk.

All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft.  To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this: look next to you.  The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for.  He is what you want your jerk to be like.  He knows more about you than you know about yourself... because he has listened to it all.

Posted by Anthony on 2 replies


01. Jul 15, 2004 at 11:44am by tj:

That is interesting. Being a girl though I am not going to agree with it. I think nice guys getting the short end of the deal is only a temporary thing. I believe a lot of girls aren’t ready for a long term commitment so they date the jerks so then they will have a good excuse to eventually break up with them. If you date a nice guy you won’t have many oppurtunities to break up, besides who wants to be responsible for hurting a nice guy?. I myself find this quite ridiculous but in many cases it’s the truth.

02. Jul 15, 2004 at 05:21pm by Anthony:

There’s definitely some truth to this essay -- it certainly does happen -- but it’s a generalization.  As such, it’s not true in all cases, and it’s good for comic relief if nothing else.

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